Flatbiller of the Day

Bro, You're A God Among Bros

2007-09-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

The Onion, a weekly parody newspaper, just printed their take on bros. Here's a little bit of it.

You know you're one of my top bros, bro, because you got my back. And I got yours. You're my bro. But you went above and beyond the other night, bromaldehyde. You really did. Saving me that seat at the Velvet Revolver show, even though all those other bros were trying to get up front, bro? So clutch.

You are truly a god among bros.

You can read the rest on theonion.com - Bro, You're A God Among Bros.

Famous Flatbiller - Vanilla Ice

2007-04-13T07:50:00.000-07:00

How did I miss this one?

After a long career marked with several failures and image makeovers, Vanilla Ice, aka Robert Van Winkle, has latched on to the Bro Movement.

Like Vanilla Ice, I too, have failed you. I should have seen this one coming. All of the signs were there - white boy rapper, tattoo'd action sports fan, strong desire to follow the latest trend. Vanilla Ice is another trophy on the shelf of the Bro Nation.

Check out his website at www.vanillaice.com

Flatbiller 50's

2007-04-01T21:28:00.000-07:00

I was out at the Mojave 250 desert race this weekend when I snapped this pic of "Big Sexy".

Flatbillers and 50's go together like peanut butter and jelly.

Defining "Flatbiller"

2007-03-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

For a long time, there was a great article on Wikipedia that defined Bros and Flatbillers. Unfortunately the article was deemed "Original research", and the Wikipedia admins deleted it a few months ago.

I managed to save the article and I moved it over to Dirtopia, where it can exist forever. I think the article could use some work, so feel free to head over to Flatbiller on Dirtopia and improve it. Just click "edit this page".

Flatbiller Crime Spree

2007-02-21T07:11:00.000-08:00

I opened the paper this morning and I couldn't resist posting this.

Orange County Register: Drugstore Thieves

From the photo, it looks like some Costa Mesa bros are on the run. If you recognize them, call the cops.

Note from the Original Flatbiller of the Day

2006-10-12T11:04:00.000-07:00

Whatup Bro's,

This message is from the original Flatbiller of the Day. It's been a long time since we've added any 'billers' to this site, but that's because we've been working on something even better:

Dirtopia - The Off-Road Encylopedia - We're using an open website format that anyone can edit to create a list of every off-road trail in the United States.

At the moment, we're focused on Southern California (Flatbiller mecca), but we do have volunteers working on other states as well.

Some quit dorking around on Flatbiller.com. Go to www.dirtopia.com and help us create the greatest free off-road resource ever.

Famous Flatbillers - Kottonmouth Kings

2006-05-20T00:02:00.000-07:00

The Kottonmouth Kings (aka KMK) have been at the forefront of the Flatbiller craze from the very beginning. These pioneers of white-boy rap are walking billboards for their own certified Bro Brand "SRH Clothing".

As far as we can tell, most KMK music is centered around getting high and drinking beer.

Kottonmouth Kings pose for the cover of GrindHouse

KMK love is almost universal among flatbillers. We have yet to come across a bro who doesn't like them.

King of the Bros?

2006-05-18T00:03:00.000-07:00

Ray thinks that his friend is "King of the Bros". In his own words...

As a cultural refugee originally from Riverside-the eye of the bro
hurricane-I know a thing or two about the dreaded Flatbillers. My friend Brian here (who I knew when he was just my friends gawky little brother, the one day, voila, Uber-Bro) takes it to the X-Treeme in just about every facet of his life. I don't really know what else to say that his profile doesn't say better. On it you'll find a little bit of everything to make your meth-addled trucker-hat wearing heart glow.

http://www.myspace.com/bzafreak

Marvel at his gnarlator tattoos. Turn green with envy at his air-bag enabled '63. Laugh your ass off at the almost endless supply of Bro-pary pics that come complete with wigger gang signs and uplifted middle digits.

Bigtime Flatbiller - 106.7 KROQ's "Lightning"

2006-05-17T00:05:00.000-07:00

Anyone who lives in SoCal knows that local radio station KROQ's producer "Lightning" loves the big bro trucks. Brandon, one of our loyal fans, sent us this photo of Lightning standing under what is possibly the largest bro-truck on earth.

When asked about the truck, Lightning claimed that the truck was not his. "I borrowed the truck from a guy in the 909. I was a joke. I drove it in a parade." Sure buddy.

Lightning reassured us that he makes fun of flatbillers all the time. Unfortunately for him, our research uncovered additional ties to the "Long Beach Clothing Company" that is so boldly stamped on the side of his favorite truck. Even worse, we discovered that this store was also a major distributor of certified bro brands such as Famous and West Coast Choppers.

The only piece of evidence that Lightning has in his defense: he appears to be wearing a Santa Claus hat.

Flatbiller Backlash

2006-05-16T00:01:00.000-07:00

Every exploding trend leads to some sort of backlash, and flatbillers are not exempt.

Take, for instance, Ryan and his friends. They threw what he calls "a bro/bro hoe theme party".
These brave souls got fully decked out in all of their flatbiller gear and simulated the bro lifestyle for a few hours. They even got together for the "token bro shot", attending to every last detail, all the way down to one bro giving the finger.
Bandanas, flatbills, neck tattoos, white boy finger poses. I don't think they missed anything. There are a few more pics on Ryan's MySpace. Stop by and say hello.

Jack "Kingspade" Brose

2006-05-15T00:02:00.000-07:00

We just couldn't pass up on a bro with "Bro" in his last name, and Jack was happy to be today's Flatbiller.

Jack "Kingspade" Brose, as he calls himself, has a MySpace that covers all of the Flatbiller essentials:

The Classic Flatbiller F-U Photo -->

Flatbiller arrogance: "names Jack Brose and I Race Motocross. If you dont like me, then there is prolly something wrong with you."

Flatbiller crash story: "i crashed relly hard on my dirtbike last tuesday (2nd?) and had to be air evacted to a hospital because i was unable to breathe n my own, and i was goi through convultions."

Flatbiller DVD Appearances: "You can find me in "Glamis Gone Wild, Vol. 1" , "50 Nuts 2," and a couple of the Glamis, 'Quicksand' videos"

Jack even has his own slogan, which he turned into a this nice graphic (maybe he's selling it on t-shirts):

If you can't read that, it says "Jack Brose B-4 Hoes".

Hot Pink Flatbiller

2006-05-12T00:02:00.000-07:00

Kaydee writes to warn us about playing flatbiller dress up, even as a joke. It may seem innocent at first, but some guys can't hold back the Bro after that first experience.

This is my ex boyfriend. the first picture is when he thought it was cool to wear a bright neon pink hat from the 99 cent store, with the bill flat up. But of course with time and a little SRH here and Kottonmouth Kings there, he became more bro original and posed for us in a lovely flex picture with new hat. Thats how you do when your from Brea. He represents Brea and 909.. where he may roam in bro country.

The first hit is always free.

Mom does a Flatbiller Intervention

2006-05-09T00:02:00.000-07:00

When a family member goes flatbiller, sometimes you need an intervention. That's exactly what Elke wanted when she submitted her very own son for Flatbiller of the Day.

"I found out after listening to KROQ about the flatbiller website and when I looked at it I knew it right away. My son Vince is a Bro. He has his jacked up truck with the SoCal logo and Glamis"

And the kicker.. "even his baby daughter wears a Skin T-shirt,"

Flatbiller.com salutes you, Elke. Millions of parents lie awake at night knowing that their children have fallen into flatbillerhood. Your courage gives them hope.

"The Most Extreme Bro that I Know"

2006-05-08T09:37:00.000-07:00

Sasha wrote to us to tell the world about her friend:

this is the most extreme bro i know... too bad i couldnt find a better pic of him displayin his bro-ness.... but really he drives a ridiculously lifted chevy that has SRH and Spade stickers on the back and he blasts the Kottom Mouth Kings or KingSpade as loud as possible can thinking everyone else within a 400 ft. diameter wants to hear it as well. he also drinks bud-lite and speeds along the freeway as he explains how having a big truck is great in traffic cuz "everyone gets the f*** out of the way" as he demonstrates this fact... i was afraid for my life honestly... and he still owes me $30 for those lovely bro Black Fly sunglasses he is sportin in this pic.

Bro Chris

2006-05-06T00:10:00.000-07:00

We're still out on vacation. Today flatbiller.com is in the hands of Aaron and his blurry friend:

My Bro Chris is the biggest Flatbiller poser EVER!! Just look at the tattoos, the bill, and the look. He plays drums for a band named MOROSE, has a lifted Chevy S10, and thinks he can ride his dirtbike like WHOA!!

Browski JC

2006-05-05T00:04:00.000-07:00

Flatbiller.com staff will be out of town for the next few days on an off-road trip, so we're putting the site in the hands of our fans. Here's a flatbiller update from Steve:

This is my browski JC and his story:

"JC is the king of brodeo" and the creator of this so, called trend of flat billing. JC formed this style while repossessing your mom's car in south central LA. Greased stained sweatshirt $25.00, Sweat, taint smelled dickies pants $20.00. Juice coated boxer shorts $10.00, perfectly fitted, formed flat bill priceless...

How to Flatbill It

2006-05-03T00:02:00.000-07:00

We've been flooded with flatbiller submissions since being interviewed on the World Famous KROQ yesterday. But don't worry, we won't forget all of your little bro friends. Keep 'em coming.

While we sort out the mess, take a look at the video below. We were trying to figure out the best way to Flatbill a hat. Courtney, a loyal fan, suggested that we run it over with our cool bro truck. We couldn't resist that idea, so we asked another one of our readers to test out the theory. He came back with this video documentary:

It looks like the experiment was a complete success!

East County Bro

2006-05-01T00:02:00.000-07:00

Today's flatbiller, comes to us from East County (San Diego), a well-known flatbiller breeding ground. In the words of the friend who sold him out:

His name is Brian.... Total Bro put him on your site.

...drives a White Lifted Ford Ranger, he considers himself one of the toughest guys in East County (619 San Diego reppin for life), he goes by B-Loc like D-Loc from Kottonmouth Kings. His motto is: "drink a beer, smoke a bowl, and b*** a b****." Hes a typical bro, like showing up in Glamis with his bike in the back of his 2WD truck, blasting rap music and of course billin' with his black socks pulled up to the sky. We love building sick hits in his yard and having a bomb ass bro sesh on the fifty's.

Flatbiller Expo

2006-04-29T23:31:00.000-07:00

We are anticipating a massive flatbiller showing at the annual Extreme Motorsports Expo in Orange County this month.

In an effort to document this monument to flatbiller consumerism, we are in the process of procuring our very own Flatbiller.com booth! If you make it to the show, be sure to come by and see us.

Side note: We also learned that one of the show sponsors is a company called Blingstar Industries. If the name doesn't sound flatbiller enough, we discovered that one of their more popular products is a GIANT SHINY IRON CROSS BUMPER for your quad. We believe this to be the perfect example of the flatbiller's obsession with style over function. If you're going to crash your quad into your friend, you might as well leave a big iron cross impression in his back.

Flatbillers go to Havasu

2006-04-28T12:03:00.000-07:00

Ah, Spring is in the air. That means it's time for all of the So-Cal flatbillers to put away the off-road gear and head out to Lake Havasu.

Thousands of flatbillers party it up on Lake Havasu

Lake Havasu is heaven on earth to flatbillers, even better than Glamis. Where else can you show off all of your tattoos and go eight hours without putting your beer down?

The same principles of bro-packing still apply - but instead of crowding your bros into the back of your lifted truck, you squeeze them into your dad's boat and head out for a day of beer bongs and bad party music. Eight hours of sun works wonders on the freshly tattooed skin of a pasty-white flatbiller.

To improve your image, strap some wakeboards to the side of your boat. Nobody could possibly wakeboard on a crowded Havasu weekend, but the boards will give you that extreme flatbiller look, allowing you to impress all of the other bros.

Also, avoid having to ride the wave runner. A flatbilled hat cocked to the side will act just like a rudder, sending you straight into the rocks.

Famous Flatbiller: Robby Gordon

2006-04-27T00:06:00.000-07:00

OK, so he's not technically a flatbiller, but he is definitely a Flatbiller Hero.

Robby Gordon earned this title by taking his 1/2 million dollar race truck out to the Glamis Sand Dunes on every major holiday weekend and jumping it over this one particular double at Oldsmobile Hill.

The flatbillers at Glamis go nuts when Robby does this. They will pound beers and watch him jump for most of the day. If they get drunk enough, they will stand underneath the jump while the crowd cheers. Then the flatbillers go home and buy one of the dozens of Robby Gordon DVD's that show the exact same footage -- over and over and over.

Attention: The popular Glamis jump near Oldsmobile Hill is now officially named "Flatbiller Hill". Somebody please update the maps. Thank you.

Flatbiller.com Tattoo Contest

2006-04-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

In honor of all the bros who get permanent tattoos of their favorite bro brand, flatbiller.com is announcing the First Annual Flatbiller Tattoo Contest.

We will give a free t-shirt to the first bro who gets a tattoo that says "Flatbiller". Here are the rules:

The tattoo must be real. No poser Sharpie tats.
It must be at least 1/2" tall by 2" wide.
You must submit a photo of you doing a bro-pose with your new tattoo. Have a look at this "Famous" fan for inspiration -->

The winner will have his picture gloriously posted on Flatbiller.com and will receive an official Flatbiller.com t-shirt.

For more inspiration, visit the Kottonmouth Kings Tattoo Gallery.

AJ - Hardcore Flatbiller

2006-04-24T19:28:00.000-07:00

Up until today, our research had led us to believe that all flatbillers are complete posers. Then we found AJ cussing out some anti-flatbillers in the comments of an earlier post.

After interviewing AJ, aka "Custom Made", we realized that there are real Hardcore Flatbillers out there.

AJ has dedicated himself to flatbilling for the past 6 years of his life:

His arm bone has been replaced by a metal rod after a nasty dirt bike accident. He recalls "... 5th gear pin tho whoops by my house i went over the bars saw earth sky earth sky and blacked out was in hospital for 3 days"
He keeps food on his plate by working for the rising flatbiller brand "UnLeasheD" (We are in the process of analyzing UnLeasheD for Bro Brand Certification).
He always accents his aggressive "brohawk" with a bandana.
He claims membership in the PaLm SpRiNgS pImPs. While researching this mysterious group, we uncovered a massive underground flatbiller ring operating out of the California desert. Unfortunately, our high-tech computer systems did the "MySpace dump" on some poorly designed flatbiller profiles, so we have no more information at this time.

How to Start Your Own Flatbiller Brand

2006-04-23T17:04:00.000-07:00

At one time or another, most flatbillers have attempted to start their own clothing brand. In an effort to understand bro-brand-building process, we at Flatbiller.com decided to make our own Flatbiller Brand to see if we could make it a success.

The Internet has made this process very easy. After 30 minutes on the computer and a few bucks on our parents' credit card, we were well on our way to breaking down the establishment with our new brand.

We documented our steps along the way. Here they are:

Start by choosing a name. This name should sound mean. For our purposes, we chose "Indistinct". - No Cost
Apply a gothic font on a black background to make it look cool. - No Cost
Add a basic flatbiller icon to your logo. We chose the ever-popular Iron Cross - $1 on iStockPhoto.com
Put your logo on a black t-shirt and make 25 of them for your friends - $8.50 each in bulk at customink.com
Order five 44" x 12" window decals for the back of your friends trucks. - $42 each on edecals.com
Borrow your parents' handi-cam and make a dirt bike video of your friends riding 50's in your cousin's back yard. Slap your new logo on the box - Bulk DVD duplication, $1.10 each at cdcopyrack.com

There you have it. Your very own Flatbiller brand.

Hispanic Flatbillers on the Rise?

2006-04-23T00:09:00.000-07:00

Vincente bravely volunteered to be today's Flatbiller. He wrote in because he is concerned about the lack of hispanic Flatbillers in his area, so he wants to get the word out that not all flatbillers are white.

J.R., as he is known by his friends, says he has been a flatbiller for at least four years, since age 11.

When asked why hispanics aren't very interested in flatbilling, he replied "not many hispanics are in to lifted trucks and motocross." This is certainly not the case for Vincente. His MySpace is packed with lustful pictures of trucks and dirtbikes. In one example, he shows off what he calls "my future tundra!". It has not yet been determined if J.R. actually owns a set of wheels himself.