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Flatbillers, AKA Bros - You've seen them. Those tattooed kids who drive lifted trucks, wear flat-billed hats turned to the side and constantly talk about dirt bikes. These tough guys affectionately refer to each other as "Bro". Are they for real? Or are they just posers? Flatbiller.com dives headfirst into the underground world of the Flatbiller to find out.

Flatbiller Expo

Saturday, April 29, 2006
We are anticipating a massive flatbiller showing at the annual Extreme Motorsports Expo in Orange County this month.

In an effort to document this monument to flatbiller consumerism, we are in the process of procuring our very own Flatbiller.com booth! If you make it to the show, be sure to come by and see us.

Side note: We also learned that one of the show sponsors is a company called Blingstar Industries. If the name doesn't sound flatbiller enough, we discovered that one of their more popular products is a GIANT SHINY IRON CROSS BUMPER for your quad. We believe this to be the perfect example of the flatbiller's obsession with style over function. If you're going to crash your quad into your friend, you might as well leave a big iron cross impression in his back.

Flatbillers go to Havasu

Friday, April 28, 2006
Ah, Spring is in the air. That means it's time for all of the So-Cal flatbillers to put away the off-road gear and head out to Lake Havasu.

Thousands of flatbillers party it up on Lake Havasu

Lake Havasu is heaven on earth to flatbillers, even better than Glamis. Where else can you show off all of your tattoos and go eight hours without putting your beer down?

The same principles of bro-packing still apply - but instead of crowding your bros into the back of your lifted truck, you squeeze them into your dad's boat and head out for a day of beer bongs and bad party music. Eight hours of sun works wonders on the freshly tattooed skin of a pasty-white flatbiller.

To improve your image, strap some wakeboards to the side of your boat. Nobody could possibly wakeboard on a crowded Havasu weekend, but the boards will give you that extreme flatbiller look, allowing you to impress all of the other bros.

Also, avoid having to ride the wave runner. A flatbilled hat cocked to the side will act just like a rudder, sending you straight into the rocks.

Famous Flatbiller: Robby Gordon

Thursday, April 27, 2006
OK, so he's not technically a flatbiller, but he is definitely a Flatbiller Hero.

Robby Gordon earned this title by taking his 1/2 million dollar race truck out to the Glamis Sand Dunes on every major holiday weekend and jumping it over this one particular double at Oldsmobile Hill.


The flatbillers at Glamis go nuts when Robby does this. They will pound beers and watch him jump for most of the day. If they get drunk enough, they will stand underneath the jump while the crowd cheers. Then the flatbillers go home and buy one of the dozens of Robby Gordon DVD's that show the exact same footage -- over and over and over.

Attention: The popular Glamis jump near Oldsmobile Hill is now officially named "Flatbiller Hill". Somebody please update the maps. Thank you.

Flatbiller.com Tattoo Contest

Wednesday, April 26, 2006
In honor of all the bros who get permanent tattoos of their favorite bro brand, flatbiller.com is announcing the First Annual Flatbiller Tattoo Contest.

We will give a free t-shirt to the first bro who gets a tattoo that says "Flatbiller". Here are the rules:
  1. The tattoo must be real. No poser Sharpie tats.
  2. It must be at least 1/2" tall by 2" wide.
  3. You must submit a photo of you doing a bro-pose with your new tattoo. Have a look at this "Famous" fan for inspiration -->
The winner will have his picture gloriously posted on Flatbiller.com and will receive an official Flatbiller.com t-shirt.

For more inspiration, visit the Kottonmouth Kings Tattoo Gallery.

AJ - Hardcore Flatbiller

Monday, April 24, 2006
Up until today, our research had led us to believe that all flatbillers are complete posers. Then we found AJ cussing out some anti-flatbillers in the comments of an earlier post.

After interviewing AJ, aka "Custom Made", we realized that there are real Hardcore Flatbillers out there.

AJ has dedicated himself to flatbilling for the past 6 years of his life:
  1. His arm bone has been replaced by a metal rod after a nasty dirt bike accident. He recalls "... 5th gear pin tho whoops by my house i went over the bars saw earth sky earth sky and blacked out was in hospital for 3 days"
  2. He keeps food on his plate by working for the rising flatbiller brand "UnLeasheD" (We are in the process of analyzing UnLeasheD for Bro Brand Certification).
  3. He always accents his aggressive "brohawk" with a bandana.
  4. He claims membership in the PaLm SpRiNgS pImPs. While researching this mysterious group, we uncovered a massive underground flatbiller ring operating out of the California desert. Unfortunately, our high-tech computer systems did the "MySpace dump" on some poorly designed flatbiller profiles, so we have no more information at this time.

How to Start Your Own Flatbiller Brand

Sunday, April 23, 2006
At one time or another, most flatbillers have attempted to start their own clothing brand. In an effort to understand bro-brand-building process, we at Flatbiller.com decided to make our own Flatbiller Brand to see if we could make it a success.

The Internet has made this process very easy. After 30 minutes on the computer and a few bucks on our parents' credit card, we were well on our way to breaking down the establishment with our new brand.

We documented our steps along the way. Here they are:
  1. Start by choosing a name. This name should sound mean. For our purposes, we chose "Indistinct". - No Cost


  2. Apply a gothic font on a black background to make it look cool. - No Cost


  3. Add a basic flatbiller icon to your logo. We chose the ever-popular Iron Cross - $1 on iStockPhoto.com


  4. Put your logo on a black t-shirt and make 25 of them for your friends - $8.50 each in bulk at customink.com


  5. Order five 44" x 12" window decals for the back of your friends trucks. - $42 each on edecals.com


  6. Borrow your parents' handi-cam and make a dirt bike video of your friends riding 50's in your cousin's back yard. Slap your new logo on the box - Bulk DVD duplication, $1.10 each at cdcopyrack.com


There you have it. Your very own Flatbiller brand.

Hispanic Flatbillers on the Rise?

Vincente bravely volunteered to be today's Flatbiller. He wrote in because he is concerned about the lack of hispanic Flatbillers in his area, so he wants to get the word out that not all flatbillers are white.

J.R., as he is known by his friends, says he has been a flatbiller for at least four years, since age 11.

When asked why hispanics aren't very interested in flatbilling, he replied "not many hispanics are in to lifted trucks and motocross." This is certainly not the case for Vincente. His MySpace is packed with lustful pictures of trucks and dirtbikes. In one example, he shows off what he calls "my future tundra!". It has not yet been determined if J.R. actually owns a set of wheels himself.

Flatbillers with Spinners

Saturday, April 22, 2006
All show, no go -- For most flatbillers, that's what it's all about.

By itself, a picture of an Expedition with Pep Boys spinners would be humorous. Lucky for us, this guy takes it to the next level.

When put in front of a camera, most flatbillers can't resist crouching down into what's known as the "dope gangsta pose". Our friend came prepared in his best flatbiller gear - black Dickies, black socks, black Bro Jersey and of course, the sideways hat.

Way to roll, bro.

Photo credits to Night of the Living Bros on MySpace.

Flatbiller Fashion - The Bro Jersey

Friday, April 21, 2006
Some bros love these shiny sleeveless shirts. Their primary function is to show off new tats.


Where do you buy these?

Side Note: The number of MySpacers running with a Bro Badge has gone up. Go here for more.

Flatbillers Go East

Thursday, April 20, 2006
We're pretty sure that the whole flatbiller trend originated in SoCal, and it definitely thrives here. But what you may not know is that bro-hood is spreading across the country like wildfire.

Take Nic, for instance. Nic lives in the middle of Idaho, but that won't stop him from joining in on the fad. Naturally, he loves dirt bikes and his favorite band is the Kottonmouth Kings. He's even got the tattoo to prove it.

Giant Flatbiller Trucks

Wednesday, April 19, 2006
One of the favorite flatbiller rides is what we like to call the "Giant Bro Truck". Our studies show that 93% of a flatbiller's masculinity comes directly from the space under their truck. This leads them to create monstrous displays of manhood that handle worse than an 18 wheeler on the street, but that will not stop a flatbiller from tailgating you at 80 mph down to the end of the cul-de-sac.

Please note that increased off-road performance is not actually the goal of a modified flatbiller truck. A truck such as the one pictured above would not pass even the simplest of off-road challenges, due to it's awkward center of gravity and extreme weight. This does not bother the owner of the Giant Bro Truck, because the most off-roading that it will ever see will be when it runs over a curb in the Supercross parking lot.

Another advantage of having a truck this big: nobody will be able to steal your dirt bike. This allows the flatbiller to leave the dirt bike in their truck seven days a week to show it off at school, thus receiving the coveted "bro nod" from fellow flatbillers.

Flatbiller Fashion: The Bandana

Tuesday, April 18, 2006
You thought the bandana died with Tupac, but it's still around. We found out why...

A side effect of the sideways hat: the awkwardly placed seams can scratch at that pasty white skull.

The stylish solution: Wrap a nice SRH bandana around your head and you're ready to go.

Girl Flatbillers

Saturday, April 15, 2006
Flatbilling isn't just guys anymore. These MySpace girls love showing off their crooked hats.

Some of our staff assumed that these two pictures were of the same girl. Do not be fooled. Flatbillers work very hard to all look the same in their own unique way.

The Inverted Flatbill

Friday, April 14, 2006
This is a rare treat. Today we came across a Flatbiller so extreme that his bill actually curves all the way past flat, into negative space.

While we have seen inverted flatbills before, never have our photographers managed to capture such an exceptional profile.

Notice the matching SRH hat and SRH shirt. The earring. The bracelets. The relaxed pose on a warm beach blanket. Say hello to Kyle.

Flatbillers at Glamis

Thursday, April 13, 2006
The Glamis Sand Dunes used to be a nice, safe place to ride dirt bikes, quads and trucks in Southern California. Then one day, the flatbillers discovered Glamis and all hell broke loose. The primary purpose of a Glamis trip was no longer to enjoy riding across the dunes and being outdoors. Flatbillers primarily go to Glamis to get wasted and hurt their friends.

The primary mode of transportation for a Glamis flatbiller is a pre-runner truck, not a dirt bike as one would think. When a flatbiller goes to Glamis in a truck, he can take eight of his party bro's who don't have Glamis toys. The more drunken bro's in the back of your truck, the better time you will have.

In this photo, a crazy flatbiller jumps over his friends.

The staff here at Flatbiller.com had a very difficult time finding photographs of flatbillers in action at Glamis. Most of our research led us to photographs of Glamis Bro Parties, like this one below.


Will the flatbillers completely overrun Glamis? Or will the Imperial County Sheriffs deploy a Glamis-wide Flatbiller ban? This will be an exciting battle to watch.

Famous Flatbiller - Supercross Star Tyler Evans

Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Every week Flatbiller.com profiles a "Famous Flatbiller", a superstar of the bro world who is partially responsible for the flatbiller craze.

This week belongs to Tyler Evans, the most successful privateer Supercross rider. In Supercross, a privateer is a rider who is not sponsored by one of the major factory teams (Honda, Yamaha, etc.). Naturally, Tyler is part of the infamous Metal Mulisha team.

It looks like part of being a flatbiller means that the factory dirt bike teams leave you in a ditch. Last year he rode with a Suzuki sticker on his bike, but he said that Suzuki wouldn't even let him on their private test track. I guess those big companies don't want to be associated with over-tattooed tough guys.

Tyler's most obvious flatbiller trait is the gigantic tattoo of his last name across his chest. I couldn't think of a better way to show off that flatbiller arrogance.

If you just can't get enough, Tyler Evans has a nice set of Glamour Shots on his website.

Flatbillers - The Motocross Connection

Monday, April 10, 2006
Our search for the epicenter of the flatbiller world led us straight to the sport of motocross. The recent explosion in the popularity of motocross coincides almost perfectly with the rise of the "bros".

Which caused which? Did the wilder motocross fans naturally gather into large groups of bros? Or did bros latch on to motocross to take advantage of its extreme image? The subject is highly debated, and more research is needed.

One thing for certain, the motocross "sub-sport" of Freestyle Motocross (FMX) is almost completely dominated by flatbillers. If you aren't familiar with FMX, it's the sport where dirt bike riders perform stunts in the air while jumping up to 150 feet.
Freestyle Motocross icons such as Brian Deegan and Mike Metzger use FMX to heavily promote the flatbiller lifestyle. Like any extreme sport, the money comes from promoting the image, not skill or ability. The big guys know that flatbillers will happily pour their hard earned dollars into the latest bro fashions, as long as there is a big name behind them.

Where will the sport go next? How far will the trend go before the backlash begins?

Your guess is as good as ours.

The Bro Group Shot

Sunday, April 09, 2006

As a bro, one of your major responsibilities is to get your crew together for the token "Bro Shot". The bro shot is where your best bros gather around in all of your bro-wear, hold up some kind of bro sign with your fingers, and make your best tough-guy face for the camera. This example meets all of our expectations:


One more rule: in any Bro Shot, at least one bro must be giving the finger.

Myke D.G.A.F.

Saturday, April 08, 2006
It didn't take us long to figure out that "DGAF" stands for "Don't Give A Fart". We're still trying to find out which flatbiller originated the phrase, but it is extremely popular with the bros.

It's so popular that Myke had it tattooed on his chest. Yep. That's not a Sharpie, kids. That is an etched-in-stone, permanent tattoo. It represents a lifetime commitment to flatbillerhood. Hopefully for Myke's sake, this isn't just a fad.

Howard?


This is Howard. Howard isn't a very good flatbiller name, so hopefully he goes by something cool like "Twitch" or "Grinder" when he's with his friends.

How did Howard catch the eye of Flatbiller.com? His MySpace has a background of a spinning pot leaf. I'm hoping that archive.org is recording MySpace pages, because Howard's future employers are going to love his self expression. We were all 16 years old once, but c'mon Howard, THINK.

Howard is also an upstanding member of the aforementioned "Metal Mulisha Fan Group".

Flatbiller Mikey

Friday, April 07, 2006
At this moment, there are 1072 members of the "Metal Mulisha Fan Group" on MySpace. Pure flatbiller gold.

This is where we came across Mikey, the guy in the back with the red bill. If it wasn't for Mikey, Flatbiller.com would have run out of "Certified Bro Brands" for the list. Lucky for us, Mikey had collected the logos of TWENTY-FIVE flatbiller brands on his MySpace.

Flatbiller of the Day - Chucky

Thursday, April 06, 2006
Finding flatbillers on MySpace is like looking for hay in a haystack, but that's were we went. It didn't take long for us to discover Chucky.

How do we know that Chucky is a flatbiller? The biggest giveaway is his perfectly flat hat. That thing sticks out further than his ears.

In the full photo, you can see that Chucky appears to be posing backstage with some other flatbillers. We don't know who these other guys are supposed to be, but at least one of them is probably a famous.

We're not even going to say anything about the Pabst Blue Ribbon, because that just speaks for itself.





The Flatbiller

Wednesday, April 05, 2006
This is our "Original Flatbiller of the Day". This is a great photograph, because it really helps us get a clear look into the mindset of the flatbiller.

Of course you can see the standard flat billed hat turned to the side, the cool-guy shades and the dirt bike t-shirt. What makes him unique is the way that he shows off his battle wound. Did he get that from doing a backflip on his Yamaha? Not likely, you see, because the wound is still fresh and the photo was taken in his apartment complex. Still, he poses for a picture. In the world of the flatbiller, it's all about image.

We'd also like to point out the "Chevrolet" sticker on his dirt bike. It's obvious that flatbillers love Chevys, but we were told that he actually owns a Dodge. Go figure.